Disconnected

The fundamentals of living. We breath, drink, eat, provide our body and souls with a sense of nourishment (eat , sleep , rave repeat -as easy as our Dear Calvin Harris put it down). But in my own experience it doesn’t always seem to be this mundane day to day experience and God forbid that – I mean who wants that?

Life for me has slowly but surely turned out to be a challenge with each waking day. I wake up to the thought of still waiting to pursue my career (though having qualified just over a year ago). I wake up each day open up my laptop to search for new jobs that fit my tiny box of qualifications (that society dictated to me). I wake up numb to an environment where my purpose each day is to find a purpose. Let me tell you, it’s the most emotionally challenging and thought provoking time in ones life. You begin to question the reason you even chose such a career path, and why you had to choose one in the first place ? You start to wonder if you’ve wasted 8-10 years of your life pursuing a dream that perhaps has no silver lining.

As dull and pessimistic as this post sounds, this period in my life has been really good and bad for me at the same time.

Good?

Well I’ve had a chance to slow things down after the hustle and bustle of decision making and growing up in school – followed by the crazy college days and late nights. I’ve had a chance to break down every atom in my mind and body an figure out what exactly makes this version of myself tick – and decide whether I liked that version or not. I got so deep into my persona that I figured out things I didn’t even know needed figuring out.

The bad?

Figuring out all these things has been a painful process at the most. The world we live in is so progressive and it has literally felt like I’ve been missing that bus every single day for a year. You get frowns and concerned faces of loved ones (and not so loved ones) that are confused as to how you lead your life with no societal status and purpose with each sunrise and sunset. You begin to question EVERYTHING and yes sometimes your relationships suffer as a result of that. I became slow, woke up late, did less, fed my soul less, became disconnected entirely.

Maybe that’s the point though, disconnecting is essential in our lives . I’m not saying bum around for a year or stress about jobs like me everyday. I’m saying take time in your life to disconnect and free your mind off everything that makes you that worker bee. Hike a mountain , close your eyes and try to meditate, drive without music and anger. Take time for yourself , and give yourself the some attention. Because I can assure you , you will never guess that you needed it, I definitely didn’t.

You might hate it, like I did initially- for the painful experiences and really hard questions I had to ask myself. I hated the fact that I had to be hard on myself, only because I had a year to wait around. That hate soon turned into love- and I think it’s taught me the most valuable lesson for when I do enter the working class world eventually.

I will always take time NOW onward to disconnect.

Photo caption: found this on a restaurant menu last week

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The anti-attitude

Some days I truly can be the most negative human alive. A tiny little incident can tick my entire brain off and change my mood into a futile , gross old lady with a green apple in hand (though I’d rather just throw it at you and knock you out, than pull a Snow White and the 7 dwarf skit on you). I think I have a very sensationalized and generally happy imagination normally, so when life kind of shows me that middle finger it just slowly breaks me every time and I become more and more closed up and it forces the bitter pill of reality down my throat every time.

Truth is nothing in this world is perfect, I can’t change people , heck who am I to think I should even try? Life is just a series of events that happen to be fortunate and unfortunate. We keep spirally and growing only for the same broken record like voice.

Take everyday as it comes , live through your eyes and not through screens, loved ones, petty or prejudice and I think if you successfully manage to accomplish that much ,your bad day will decrease.

I’m trying to be as positive as I possible can, always without compromising my native subconscious mind and integrity as a human being . I will always listen to the other side of the story but be sure to not sway too easily when those views start to trash or wrongly accuse my own moral compass.

There is SO much of information available to us at any point in time , I mean there are life coaching videos available at just a swipe of your Instagram feed, there are specialized psychologists and therapists designed to work with your mind, not to mention thousands of videos of motivation speakers and people shoving a whole lot of factual statistics down your throat ( that none of us tend to EVER question) as well as their opinions on what your life should be, or better yet what they think you should do… if you’re faced with …

How on earth does one sift out the bullshit from the real shit? How does one accomplish a stable piece of mind with so much information just bursting at every corner of your realm? How do you simple be you, when the world and all it’s applications or quotes or trends , are trying so hard to make you a follower and not a pioneer.

The funny part being ,that we’re supposed to learn so much more because so much more is Available to us , but sometimes it just makes me think we’re learning what we’ve been preplanned to learn eventually, like our destinies have been mapped out – even down to our own births into this world.

That’s when I become closed up and I become anti- everything , because what can I really trust other than my own brain, and all it’s levels of questionable psychiatric pathology. Who am I?

Series review : Black Mirror

Fun fact: it’s a word play “Black Mirror” – I’ll let you figure that one out.

I’m going to jump on the bandwagon of my preview post and say Do yourself the biggest favour and watch a Netflix series called Black Mirror. There are 3 seasons thus far (I’m not sure if there are more to come though ) and basically each episode doesn’t really follow through to the next one so they can be watched at random -to those of you who aren’t really keen on series binging .Episodes vary in length but a guesstimation would be to calculate starring at that screen for approximately an hour per episode.

It’s basically about technology , and how advanced it could become in years to come, and truly makes you questions the positives and negatives. I won’t lie it can become seriously uncomfortable to watch at times and really tantalizes those neuronal receptors in your cranium. But I rate it’s worth it if you have an inquisitive and a keen mind and if you’re open minded to this universe and all it’s weird and wonderful outlets.

Give it a shot and let me know.

Is your life becoming a meme?

Hello 21st century!!!

Isn’t it fascinating how technology has just been accelerating at a hyperbolic curved rate ever since we can remember? I mean a couple years ago CDs were a thing, a couple years ago GPS navigation with perfectly mapped out roads and traffic guided ETAs- did not exist…Can you even imagine a world without cellphones, or 3D movies or WiFi now? Didn’t think so!

we’ve evolved into such advanced and analytical beings. To think the defining moment in our lives as Homo Sapiens was the ability to harness the worlds resources and discover and utilize fire. Such a simple aspect that separated us from the rest of the Apes.

Flash forward a couple hundred years… and we were taking that fire and utilize it to control, divide, manipulate- mind, body and soul of all matter – living and non living- take those same flames and blast them off to discover new planets , create entire empires , massive infrastructure , skyscrappers , companies , systems and develop world changing companies like Space X and Tesla. The growth is truly exponential and to keep up you obviously have to be current, utilize and grow with the technology- because let’s face it, fighting it, is a never ending battle to nowhere.

So we agree, we grow with the technology, buy our kids I-Pads before they can even hold a scissor properly . We engage in social media (ironic hey), even dating has become a swipe of a finger or perhaps a more familiar phrase “sliding into DMs”. Like I said you have to be current to keep up, to be able to make a difference in this world. But did it ever occur to you that , that hour or 5 of your day you spend aimlessly scrolling down a newsfeed or scanning for likes or followers could be utilized learning something, making real humanly connections or perhaps just sitting back , rejuvenating and appreciating the nature (in most cases lack there off) around you?

Don’t get me wrong I’m all for media, getting your message across, and not socially “outcasting” yourself from your peers or colleagues, but did it ever occur to you that we spend SO much of our time , basically doing nothing. It’s like the term couch potato- now also evolved- because you can just pick that tiny screen up and take it where ever you will ( I’m sure health insurance companies would promote that one ).

I think what I’m trying to say is be present in every real and not virtual moment you have in your life , stop letting coffee dates be determined by WiFi codes , and stop allowing yourself to feed into the negativity and truly downward spiral of constant media and technology exposure. Look up away from that phone and notice the cute guy in front of you (who I’m sure is also staring at a screen). Take less photos and make more memories. Throw less “shade” at others , even better if you’re going to do that don’t be a coward and do it over social media. Be direct , sift out the bullshit and create relationships and friendships that are going to last you a lifetime. I surely wouldn’t want to be equated to a damn meme, a mindless empty thought.

Stop letting the technology take over, prevent yourself from dumbing down and grow along side the beauty that we’ve created. We would be truly defeated if we bent the knee to the hardrives we’ve engineered so carefully and intelligently.

Allow your raw natural and unfiltered humanly instinct to remain intact and remember the fire that burns within your soul.

Book Reviews : “The Power” by Naomi Alderman and “The Female Brain”by Louann Brizendine, M.D

I decided to do these book review together because they truly tell a very similar story, but are set about in entirely different lights.

“The Power”

A truly brutally honest and fascinating fictitious novel. Hand crafted towards any girls aspirations of harnessing the energy of the universe and truly being unstoppable. It contains all aspects of a perfect story, and is told from different views of various characters in the novel. It’s a quick and easy read and definitely a recommended read for all those strong women out there. It delves into the uncomfortable jobs/ topics: social situations and gender stereotypes types there are out there. Not to mention taking a very original approach to the subject of religion.

I find myself reading novels nowadays that aren’t too lengthy and this fits the cut perfectly. It’s one of those J. K. Rowling type of reads where the pages keep on turning and you lose track of time. It is although very intense and does make you question a lot about our world, but that exact character is what made me that much more captivated by the book.

“The Female Brain”

A true representation of the vastness and greatness of our complex female minds. The book tends to be fair in its approach and medical facts and research are reported every so easily and accurately in a very NON- boring manner. It’s a must read for men and women. I loved this book because it made me understand myself better as a female and appreciate the beauty of feminine energy.

Be-YOU-tiful

Love, the four letter word that  we foolishly are day in and day out consumed and falsely motivated by. Yes, loving someone of a romantic nature is honestly the most beautiful emotion I think that I have been fortunate enough to find in my lifetime. BUT it isn’t the be all and end of life. IF THERE is anything I’ve managed to learn in these very poorly experienced 26 years of life , it is that nothing comes easy, especially not love, and as cliché and chick-flick kind of vibes as this sounds it ,truly and honestly starts with SELF-LOVE ( I may have watched an awesome chick flick last night called “I Feel Pretty”- its out in cinemas at the moment, perfect recommendation to those of you who are feeling the hormones this week).

If I make this statement personal, I can go on to add that guys, I was never a self-confident person…. EVER in my life. Always had been on the chubbier side of life, and grew up with a big bum (that WAS NOT fashionable 10 years ago, although Im not complaining,now that it is – thank you KimK and Nicki ).  I was awkward had bangs covering my brows, a fashion sense that comprised of leggings and loosely layered tops to hide the bumps and rolls. I was so damn self conscious about everything from my nose to my cellulite, to even my OWN persona when out with friends that it prevented me from speaking my mind or just letting lose and having a good time. I had this personality of just being the nice, shy girl who was friends with everyone, but no one really truly knew.

It didn’t end here, I moved away from home to pursue my dream career (still not there yet). I let myself go ( literally broke my foot) , missed my family more than I could fathom to explain to them and ended up gaining about 13kgs within my first year away. The beauty part was ,as I was gaining the weight, I gained so much of self-confidence and started respecting the core ,weird being I am so so much more! ( to be honest I didn’t even realize the weight gain). You’re probably like wait, doesn’t the story go, the girl loses the weight then realized how cool she is and becomes a strong independent woman?….

Not my story -NO. I became self-confident, figured out who and what I wanted to be in my life, and the rest just sort of fell into place like an exquisitely beautiful map of my life. I decided that I wanted to be healthy rather than ‘thin”, and I decided that I wanted to make real friends rather than just be everyones’ friend, just vague bland and no serious responsiblities as a friend – I sometimes wonder if it was the mere commitment of being someones friend that stopped me from truly getting close to people.

Typing this out now it sounds like I just spontaneously got my shit together and figured my life out in a year, well I didn’t. I’m still learning, I still have good days and bad ones, and I still learn about myself , my capabilities and about people every single day. (you reach a point where you truly understand the meaning of ,why old people are considered wise, they’ve just got thatttttttt amount of time of years of experience on you and you still have to go through the motions of life and learn).

If you ask my how I did it, all I can say is that at some point I didn’ like the face I looked at in my mirror, not because of aethetics but because I always felt that I could be so much more than I was allowing myself to be. I had all this pent up energy that I knew I needed to channel into my life in a POSITIVE manner. ( I mean I’m sure everyones familiar with Newtons laws- “energy cannot be destroyed or created, simply transferred from one to another”). I think the same applies with ourselves, we have all this immense energy within our core beings that is truly unstoppable , ONLY if you allow it though.

I found that without self-love, self reassurance and self-respect, it is just wrong to expect to invite another being into your world without causing them grief and making them pay for your own insecurities with your own life or yourself.

I also found myself in coffee shops alone, without my cell phone or a form of an escape from reality, I found myself really enjoying my own company and the God-given nature around me. I found that the only way you can truly imagine a chance at happiness is to be 100% unapologetically yourself. You reach a rare kind of bliss within your mind when you decide that ,you are the most important person in your world.

You begin to reason with your subconscious and hormones, that yes you love your significant other/ friends/ family etc in your life, and you WANT to spend the rest of your mortal days with these humans by your side…. but you don’t NEED them, because the truth is you don’t need anyone,  you never really have…

THAT RIGHT there from me, is the epitome of Beauty.

CAPTION: this Is a photo of yours truly, about 4am ,hours before one of my final exam for my Degree, sending my best friend a picture of my highly caffeinated and stressed face. ( Yes I am wearing a blanket).IMG_3216

Hello

I thought that I’d start off with a simple guide as to what I’m trying to achieve with this blog. Like any other blogger I’m new to this whole scenario and contrary to the worlds views on bloggers not all are in it for the fame and fortune. In this blog I hope to enlighten your mind, challenge every controversial topic there is out there and hopefully take you on a crazy ride that may or may not involve pilo-erect hairs on your arms dancing to the tune of my very perplexed and objective view on life. This is not a blog to enforce opinion or mouth fulls about the things that most of us consider actual topics of conversation  (so yes my plan is to stay clear away from topics that are making ENews headlines). Although I will most definitely throw in a few book reviews of my personal favourites. Don’t worry this also isn’t one of those life coaching vibes where I attempt to Ted X the shit out of your mind either, it is simply a gateway into my mind, that hopefully will open the eyes of even 1 soul out there to the matter around us. The matter that truly maters.